This isn’t a fitness post, but its just whats been on my mind. (A fitness post soon to follow FYI)
My darling Zoey, you are turning three in 11 days. Christmas is in 25, my anniversary is in 30, and my boyfriend’s birthday follows all of that in January. Its a very busy, very expensive time of year for my family. Also because just two weeks before Zoey’s birthday is Thanksgiving, which also means Black Friday shopping and Cyber Monday shopping..It doesn’t seem to ever end.
I could site every single Christmas for myself as a child. Me and my sister and brother, were spoiled. Not rotten, because we were good kids, but yes, spoiled. My mom and dad spent thousands every single Christmas to make sure we had it all. I remember coming out every single Christmas morning to what seemed like my whole living room piled with presents. It usually took us a good 1-2 hours to open everything. And as if that wasn’t enough, my Nana would come to my house every Christmas Eve while we were at my Grampa’s birthday party, and lay out new bed sheets, blankets, comforters, night lights and pajamas for us.
I can’t give, what seems like more then a speck of that to my kids. Between Buck and I we have maybe a couple or a few hundred dollars to spend on the kids for Christmas and Zoeys birthday. For me, it does not seem ideal, and the depressing thoughts of letting my kids down has really got me this season.
We struggle. I mean, yeah, everyone struggles financially, but we struggle extra hard because of our careless choices in the past. Its made things a lot harder for us now, and it stinks to think we brought our kinds into our financial problems. Its not like there isn’t any money. Buck just got a second job as well and that is making tremendous help but weve only barely benefitted from it yet.
The main thing is, I guess I can’t shake the gloomey feeling. Christmas is my favorite. My favorite everything. Maybe its because of my childhood but I wouldn’t say that because my parents split up on one of our last Christmas’s together. Still, Christmas always gives me the warm fuzzies inside. The pretty lights, the decorations, I hate the cold (even more now that Im anemic again-again, coming up in my next post) The snow, the pine and spruce trees, Christmas wreaths, warm homes, flannels, hot chocolate, I love it ALL.
But I shouldn’t be feeling gloomey about not being able to give my kids thousands..of course, I wish I could. And if we budgeted better, we probably could. But we can’t now, and I hate that that’s the feeling that’s dragging Christmas down for me. I want Christmas to be about more then that. I want to spoil my kids to death, but I want them to feel the happiness and warmth of love from their families. I want to start traditions and make Christmas about more then presents again.
I’m glad I was able to get that all out, now I know I need to start finding these things, maybe give back to the community in some way.. Im new in town and as far as I know theres not a single homeless person around here, so no food shelters or anything like that. But plenty of nursing homes and people who might need help getting ready for Christmas. That will make Christmas great again.
Ill have to let you know how it goes. ❤