Making Christmas Great Again..

This isn’t a fitness post, but its just whats been on my mind. (A fitness post soon to follow FYI)

My darling Zoey, you are turning three in 11 days. Christmas is in 25, my anniversary is in 30, and my boyfriend’s birthday follows all of that in January. Its a very busy, very expensive time of year for my family. Also because just two weeks before Zoey’s birthday is Thanksgiving, which also means Black Friday shopping and Cyber Monday shopping..It doesn’t seem to ever end.

I could site every single Christmas for myself as a child. Me and my sister and brother, were spoiled. Not rotten, because we were good kids, but yes, spoiled. My mom and dad spent thousands every single Christmas to make sure we had it all. I remember coming out every single Christmas morning to what seemed like my whole living room piled with presents. It usually took us a good 1-2 hours to open everything. And as if that wasn’t enough, my Nana would come to my house every Christmas Eve while we were at my Grampa’s birthday party, and lay out new bed sheets, blankets, comforters, night lights and pajamas for us.

I can’t give, what seems like more then a speck of that to my kids. Between Buck and I we have maybe a couple or a few hundred dollars to spend on the kids for Christmas and Zoeys birthday. For me, it does not seem ideal, and the depressing thoughts of letting my kids down has really got me this season.

We struggle. I mean, yeah, everyone struggles financially, but we struggle extra hard because of our careless choices in the past. Its made things a lot harder for us now, and it stinks to think we brought our kinds into our financial problems. Its not like there isn’t any money. Buck just got a second job as well and that is making tremendous help but weve only barely benefitted from it yet.

The main thing is, I guess I can’t shake the gloomey feeling. Christmas is my favorite. My favorite everything. Maybe its because of my childhood but I wouldn’t say that because my parents split up on one of our last Christmas’s together. Still, Christmas always gives me the warm fuzzies inside. The pretty lights, the decorations, I hate the cold (even more now that Im anemic again-again, coming up in my next post) The snow, the pine and spruce trees, Christmas wreaths, warm homes, flannels, hot chocolate, I love it ALL.

But I shouldn’t be feeling gloomey about not being able to give my kids thousands..of course, I wish I could. And if we budgeted better, we probably could. But we can’t now, and I hate that that’s the feeling that’s dragging Christmas down for me. I want Christmas to be about more then that. I want to spoil my kids to death, but I want them to feel the happiness and warmth of love from their families. I want to start traditions and make Christmas about more then presents again.

I’m glad I was able to get that all out, now I know I need to start finding these things, maybe give back to the community in some way.. Im new in town and as far as I know theres not a single homeless person around here, so no food shelters or anything like that. But plenty of nursing homes and people who might need help getting ready for Christmas. That will make Christmas great again.

Ill have to let you know how it goes. ❤



Here I Go Again On my Own

So, my last post was the first day of my Reverse Diet.

The following day my hubby got laid off and we spent the next couple of months in chaos relocating from Portland, to Madawaska, aka-Canada.

However chaotic the move, we have found such unbelievable blessings up here. But alas, my reverse diet lasted, a day. Ugh.

Since then I have been itching and itching to get back into prep and back with a coach. Unfortunately, we are still adjusting from a very costly move and are pay check to pay check on a good week. The average costs for coaches, for even online training, is bananas. I’m a mom of two small children. I work literally sun up to sun down, and then find time between those two jobs (because YES, motherhood is its own job,) to juggle studying for school (Nursing), work outs, meal prep and wifey lifey. It’s not reasonable to charge hundreds of thousands of dollars for coaching. I completely understand that the coach is more then likely well worth every single penny, but from the ordinary person like myself, these prices don’t sell! As a mother, I find it hard trying to justify to my family why I would take hundreds and hundreds of dollars away from them. Its not feasible. Its not reasonable. Why not adjust your prices to help more people? Do coaches and trainers out there think about all the people who probably want help but cant afford the costs?

Sigh..My post is not meant to complain although it may have ended up with a bit of that. I don’t understand the whole coach/personal training world but I can speculate on wanting to improve myself and living in an economy where this is not possible to do with personal training prices these days. My post was to hold myself accountable for my goals, which was the whole point of my blog when I started it, umm…a year ago?! BIG SIGH.

A couple weeks ago I decided that I was done waiting and saving for a coach. My family still needs so much that affording coaching will not be a possibility for me for a long time, as much as I would like to make it so. So I am going to start and go at it…alone.

Allow the shock to sink in for a moment. I had to, hah!

I have truly spent hours and hours and hours researching all there could possibly be about reverse diet, carb cycling diet, bikini prep diet, supplements, workouts, the human body/muscles and the exercises that work them, nutrition, form and on and on. I have notebooks filled with all Ive learned and I also am lucky enough to have a couple month’s experience with a coach this past spring. I learned a lot in those two months and I will apply it all to my plan.

My number one goal is to enter into the body building model search. I will likely still try for a bikini show because I think that will give me incentive and help along the way. I absolutely realize that I’m not a personal trainer, I’m not college-educated on such but I truly believe after speaking with many, and with the support and guidance of all the social media I can really meet a lot of my goals. Trial and error, but that’s how some of the best people have come to light on their own.

So, like I said above, I decided this a couple weeks ago. I have not worked out in almost a week now. I have been so sick and so frustrated from being sick. Today is Saturday and I have the day off and my lovely, beautiful hubby let me sleep in till 11 while he watched the littles. This really let me catch up on some rest. I spent the rest of the day studying math and catching up on that and hydrating myself. I havn’t been able to eat more then chicken noodle soup, candy (I crave when I’m sick-WTF), and cereal. So all the more frustrating when I can’t work out is when I can’t even eat right to balance it. Tonight I’ll try my best to stuff this face with fresh greens and chicken soup, and continue hydrating and PRAY I wake up better tomorrow.

So I am very anxious to begin my plan. Ive got it so well planned out right now and Im just waiting until this sick butt is better. I can’t wait to begin, I’ll post my macros (which I track through my fitness plan) and also add when I increase/if I need to decrease,  My work outs, my before and after photo updates, etc.

Here I go, (again) on my own..

See what I did there?  🙂






Reverse Diet: Ready, Set, Go!

Ah! Hello fellow bloggers!

It has been quite some time since I have even written anything, let alone blogged.

Starting tomorrow I am  beginning my own Reverse Diet program. It will be a minimum of 4 months, maximum of (5 just to give this program a specific time length-time frames ALWAYS vary). This is my first time doing it, I am NOT a nutritionist or a physical trainer or anything like that so I am doing this purely out of LOTS of research (thank you educational) and reading other people’s experiments doing the reverse diet program.

It has become quite a phenomenon recently. What first caught my eye about it was quotes like, “binge eating”, “strict caloric diets”, “stand still/plateau weight problems”-And of course the number one thing that really stands out and gives this diet it’s name was, “eating more, gaining less fat and adding more lean muscle.”

So, I am just doing this to track and see how it really works, of course I have this planned out, and I will do my very best to keep myself educated on the ways of doing this, I also welcome any critique and advice! I am by no means offended by help!

I have a pretty nice scale thanks to my lovely boyfriend and he programmed me in Friday night. I am going to stick with early morning weigh ins because I feel like that is the most accurate. So, as of today I am 162.4, with a body fat percentage of 31.2%. I am starting my calories at 1900, I have been keeping them between 1700-1800 and had been stuck at 165 for quite some time, so I will be very interested to see how this goes! I am doing the recommended approach of bigger jump start. So for starting week my macros look like this:

Protein: 165 gm  (body weight)

Fats: 50 gm

Carbs: 191 gm

So like I said above, my first week will be a bigger approach which is what most research I have done suggests, so I will increase my carbs by 15 grams (whoo-hoo!) and my fats by 5 grams (yes!). After that I will do a more conservative approach and add 10 grams of carbs each week and 2 grams of fat. So, that being said I am also greatly aware that one of the biggest recommendations that I read was listening to your body and adjusting these macros when needed. I will do this and document along the way! I would be lying if I said that I was not just a little bit skeptical about this. It does sound very strange to be eating more, doing less cardio and somehow gain lean muscle and relatively no fat. But somehow, fitness athletes and hundreds of people have overcome things as difficult as eating disorders with this approach. So, I also have a lot of faith.

Sorry if this blog seems to be all over the place as well, I am extremely over tired and made myself promise to do this blog on Sunday since I’ll be starting tomorrow, here it is.. 11:29 PM hehehe…story of a busy mom’s life! I will also add another blog in with just more general information about my macros, the reverse diet how to’s that I have learned and just some information about myself and why I’m doing this!

Will continue to update and promise it will be more fun to read! Wish me luck!






“You gotta be willing to take the hits..”


My dearest Zoey,

“Let me tell you something you already know- The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life, But its not about how hard you hit, its about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done…Now if you know your worth, then go out and get your worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not be pointing your fingers and saying you ain’t where you wanna be cause of him, or her, or nobody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you, your better then that!” – Rocky Balboa

This working out takes…dedication. It really does.

To get to where I want to be, it will take dedication. There can be days of failure, of disappointment, of discouragement, but as long as you are consistent, as long as you stay dedicated, these days will come and pass and leave little imprint on you except to show you what you have over come.

You have to dedicate. And in the good name of our one and only “Rocky”, You gotta be willing to take the hits! The hits for me are mostly time related. Taking the hits in my life means getting up at 3:45 am to go to the gym and bust my ass, knowing I won’t see the result of this workout for another four or five months, but I will feel exhausted by 3pm and I will feel sore all day tomorrow. The hits for me are passing on the cakes, the donuts, the cookies at work for a set of killer abs that are hidden somewhere under this post baby gut. The hits for me is passing up most of any extra free time I have to prep my meals for the week, to budget out how we will pay for expenses and nursing school, to create a new work out plan, etc, etc, etc..

This is not as hard as it sounds. Its harder. There are countless nights where I cover my whole body up, almost hiding from your dad because I don’t want him to see me as this ‘work in progress’. There are moments of not even wanting to look in the mirror, step on a scale or think about food. There are days where I cry on your dad’s chest, questioning if I have what it takes to live the life I desire. Can I really achieve a set of legs I am proud of? Can I really compete in a show next year? Can I really go to school, work and be a mom and fitness athlete? He always finds a way to re-ignite the fire. To get the spark blazing again. I consider this man, your dad, a major blessing. He contributes to my life in ways that no one has yet been able to. To get me to believe in myself and keep going, to fill me with the fire again. An immeasurable blessing.

So the hits for me is passing up free time for a dream that exists in the future. And I wont get there until I get there. And getting there requires dedication of conscious daily decisions. Making healthy choices, making the moves at the gym, pouring my thoughts and soul into my journal. I have to be willing to sweat and run and feel the burn, knowing it will be months until it just begins to pay off. I have to be willing to get up earlier then the ass crack of dawn basically, to get in my work outs. I have to be uncomfortable until I get comfortable. I have to be unconfident until I feel confident. I have to work hard and dedicate to a lifestyle that I know will pay off “some day”. Eventually.

But, I AM willing to take the hits.

Because I believe in me. In my heart, my vision.

So, just, always believe. And when you need someone to re-ignite your flame, I will always be that passion for you.

Love, Mum.

You can’t be afraid to fail..

My dearest Zoey,

“You can’t be afraid to fail. You can’t always win but you can’t be afraid of making decisions.” -Arnold Schwarzenegger

Today has been about making decisions. I’ve decided to risk it all today for a dream I’ve played over in my head since I was a little girl. A dream I had long ago decided I couldn’t reach and that I was certain if I did try, it wouldn’t give me the outcome that my young heart so desired. So it became a dream I was certain I would fail and it ultimately became unobtainable.

Today those decisions have changed.

They have been erased and replaced. The wave of support I have washing over me is almost as overwhelming as the tingling fear that still resides. Yes, pieces of me are still afraid of failing. But I’ve decided that those pieces are to be ignored.

For the first time in my life I can truly say that my fear of failing is so small because I have made a decision with my heart. A piece of who I actually am. And whenever I make a decision with my heart’s input, it tends to be the right one.

My dream is to major in writing. To perfect my writing, to publish books. To add my love of fitness, family and nursing into this new dream to make it as real and raw as possible. This dream may seem small, maybe even silly or irrelevant to some, but it’s as big and real as any dream to me.

This is what I think about all day. What I’ve told myself is impossible to make a living from. Today I’ve told myself to stop that. Today I’ve asked myself, “Why not?”, “Why can’t I make a living from what I love?”, “Why can’t I live my dream?”.

I’ve decided I can.

I’ve decide more important than extra money, is you and your brother seeing your mom doing what she loves. I want you to know that more important than comfortable, is passion. Why not do what you love? It shouldn’t even be a question. I want that to be second nature to you. I want that knowledge, that frame of mind to be a piece of you, because you see me doing it.

I want you to always do what sets your heart on fire. And I want your souls to stretch and burn until you find it.

So here begins my new journey and still life sits the same. Except for the fire that’s been reignited in my soul. Except for the dreams and goals in my vision now. It’s up to me to make the rest of life change. The moves need to happen by me.

I’ve decided today, they begin.

Love, Mum


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